Sometimes you ask for a challenge, not knowing whether will you be able to handle!!!Two months back, oh wait it might be three months back, well it really does not matter. What matters is what actually happened. I always believed that if it’s mine, then it’s mine. If the universe has granted it for me, then with no doubt it will be mine. Maybe some bumps there and there and loop holes some where there. But it is yours for the taking, ready and waiting.

I had auditioned for a particular show, out of Durban, it turned out that the director shows interest in working with me but still I had to follow the right protocol to see if I fit in what she is looking for. I was excited about the idea of working with a female director and I was fed up with musicals. I wanted to be the lead in a drama. I wanted to experience other energies, how other directors work. I really hoped that I would get that role, I thought It was perfect. Perfect for my needs. I waited for a good three weeks just to find out that I didn’t get it.

(Breathe in and breathe out)

At least she called to let me know, I appreciate that.

I called out to the universe that I am desperately in need of a challenging piece of theatre by a woman, written by a woman… ok maybe I didn’t say written by a woman but I remember I mentioned to the universe that I want to be challenged.

You know when you asked for something and you don’t know the extensiveness of what you may be asking whether will you handle it or not. Actually when you ask you don’t think about the handling period. I wanted to be granted an opportunity to be swallowed so much by the process and lose and find my self. And then I always said I wish I could get a call just to be asked, if I was available. fast track two months later.

I got a call and I was asked if I was available… You can imagine how I am that moment…

I am hoping that I am!

Because this person who just called me has been part of my dreams, anything he touches turns to gold and I am craving for my CV to have his name….

To be honest during the phone call I didn’t hear a word he said, I was like he called!! Finally he called!!! Yay! he called me !!! and he wants to work with me !! that means something right.

Lets get down to the crux of it all.

With Isambulo1 was a rollercoaster of finding my self, talking and assuring me…I have never been challenged like that… I cried almost every night I had panic attacks… physical panic attacks! I had to let go of what I know as an actor or what I have leant to master. what I relied on, my gimmicks, my actor’s fall on plan. But I was also confused at the fact that why am I not humbling my self to the experience. I was confused because this is what I wanted the universe gave this role to me…. therefore the challenge should not scare me, I should embrace it.

The great thing about this experience was that, our director was there to help us not to drown, she threw us into the ocean knowing we will learn new ways of paddling and swimming . The only she asked us was to humble ourselves to the newness. No matter how deep we went, she was always there. Truth of the matter; It has been such a while since I have been on stage, I was scared wondering if am I still an actor or not. Does my body know? Does the body remember to allow and dive with sharks….

I had a problem with my self…

Three months I had a session with a good friend of mine who is an actor as well. I was telling her how I feel challenged by her when I see her on stage. I didn’t know if my body would remember how to travel… but it did.

And I believe , I had to remind myself to succumb and trust the process. A foreign process. The newness of the process.

My director held it together and directed me because she knew what she wanted and she did a great job…

I felt like an actor in a great production. I am grateful to the universe for hearing my call.

Now to the next one.